Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
