I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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