That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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