Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
