I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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