Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
