I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
