Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
