Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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