tell your sister to shave her snatch
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
