Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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