Your face is a jimmy john
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
