you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
