he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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