flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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