3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
