College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
