i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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