between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
