Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
