The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
