i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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