and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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