I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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