we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We have so much sex to catch up on
Randomize
