Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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