The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
