so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
