the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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