Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
porn star boner night. come get it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Someone shattered a urinal.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
