cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
