He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
