Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
