I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
