you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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