Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
