I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
