If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
