I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
