Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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