I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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