tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I would ride that face into the sunset
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
