John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize