My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
