Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
