I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
