I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
