Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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