Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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