Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
