so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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