I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
