Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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