i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
