There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
