you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
