I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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