It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
