I CAN MOONWALK!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
