Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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