she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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