You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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