If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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