Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
True college students do jello shots in the library
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