They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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