I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
