when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
