Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I didn't shave. On purpose
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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