I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
